I tend to get overwhelmed because I have this idea that I can "do it all". I like to think I can be the best wife, best daughter, best daughter-in-law, best neighbor, best everything. But as my sensible GM points out, I can't do it all and be the best in everything.
My crazy side thinks he's wrong, but my little sliver of logic (poor guy has his work cut out for him) which has managed to hang on, agrees with GM. Which makes me think maybe I'm not right all the time, just most of the time.
Lately, I feel as if school has been bubbling up into a soon-to-be explosion of stress, tears, work, and more stress. It's my last semester and I want to do well in all my classes, but easier said than done. I have not one, not two, but three group projects this semester, all in different classes. Not to mention my individual major papers and presentations in other classes, and I feel like I'm not going to do the best in every class. This conflicts with my (already known) flawed thinking. I need to be the best. So stress continues to fester underneath my surface.
I love my job. I don't love the long shifts, but while I'm in school and need to make up the hours for the days I can't work... what can I do? I can suck it up and do what's best for my family, there is no complaint from me here about that. However, I was told I would get a promotion, with a pay raise that would be very well accepted, and now, it's not so clear that I will be getting said promotion. Of course, this has me wondering if I have been decreasing in my work abilities or if someone is merely better than me. Both of these, I would not do well handling. But, I need my job, so I go with what they want. All I can do is my best. But my best may not be good enough. Thus, stress continues to grow.
GM is my rock, my solace, my everything. And one of my daily goals is to be the best wife for him, a homemaker. But, when I work and I get tired and I leave the dishes for the day... I know I should probably cut myself some slack, but that would be admitting I can't do it all. GM deserves the best. I need to be the best.
I don't know how I will get everything done. The upcoming holidays are a promise of joy and magic. But, I know the stress that lies within the holiday times. I don't know if I can take on more stress. But, I will. I haven't failed a semester before. I will continue doing my job as they want me to. I will be the best wife for GM. I am not sure how, but I do know I won't fall apart. I can't because as much as I would love to be selfish and say NO MORE, my life isn't just about me. And I can't let down those who need me.
